he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Vodka?
Forever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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