I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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