he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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