Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
