Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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