WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
