Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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