you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
