just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
