My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
