I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
