I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
