Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
