I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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