just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
