i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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