I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
