btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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