Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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