I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
