I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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