Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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