why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
