I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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