And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
