I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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