Don't you send me to vm
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
