I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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