break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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