I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just pynch a tree in the face
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
