like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
