Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
