Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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