it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
