I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So. Much. Porn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
