So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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