Texts From Last Night · sarahbananaa's Favorites

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sarahbananaa's Favorites Texts:

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.

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(954): View more from Florida

I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

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(256): View more from Alabama

i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

dude how high are you right now?

(256): View more from Alabama

do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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(951): View more from California

My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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(585): View more from New York

Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

it's like her boobs came off with her bra

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker

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(256): View more from Alabama

'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home

(248): View more from Michigan

r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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(516): View more from New York

i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

(631): View more from New York

i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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(206): View more from Washington

Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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(212): View more from New York

I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours

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(309): View more from Illinois

i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

(309): View more from Illinois

so finals studying is going well?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

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(416): View more from Ontario

I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her

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(813): View more from Florida

y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big

(720): View more from Colorado

Welcome to my life

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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(720): View more from Colorado

so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

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(503): View more from Oregon

I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

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(505): View more from New Mexico

No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.

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(410): View more from Maryland

She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.

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(914): View more from New York

i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty

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(310): View more from California

if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right

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(416): View more from Ontario

dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross

(647): View more from Ontario

well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

so when am I gonna get some from you?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

when you dick grows 3 inches

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.

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(440): View more from Ohio

i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

(440): View more from Ohio

I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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(858): View more from California

Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.

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(343): View more from Ontario

No awkward lesbian experiences without me

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(856): View more from New Jersey

my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

we'll go far in life on tits alone.

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(312): View more from Illinois

i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.

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(613): View more from Ontario

oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

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(951): View more from California

I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.

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(316): View more from Kansas

You love me.

(785): View more from Kansas

That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

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(660): View more from Missouri

He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"

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(949): View more from California

Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

(1-949): View more from California

are you seriously doing this over text message

(949): View more from California

hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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(845): View more from New York

Stop trying to talk to my friends!!

(1-845): View more from New York

then get some ugly ones...

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(337): View more from Louisiana

i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...

(985): View more from Louisiana

wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you

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(928): View more from Arizona

She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

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(206): View more from Washington

Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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(951): View more from California

Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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(775): View more from Nevada

i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure

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(219): View more from Indiana

NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

(1-219): View more from Indiana

wow.

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(231): View more from Michigan

my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

(989): View more from Michigan

i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

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(301): View more from Maryland

My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

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(206): View more from Washington

Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends

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(303): View more from Colorado

Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

From behind she looks like Richard Simmons

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(561): View more from Florida

hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

(407): View more from Florida

i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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(518): View more from New York

Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

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(858): View more from California

I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?

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(315): View more from New York

Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

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(989): View more from Michigan

News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

(1-989): View more from Michigan

Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?

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(805): View more from California

Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more

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(480): View more from Arizona

A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

(210): View more from Texas

S P E L L C H E C K

(808): View more from Hawaii

No you dumbass thats not right

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes

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(816): View more from Missouri

He's been sleeping iwht ***

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Nooo

(816): View more from Missouri

Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb

(816): View more from Missouri

And then hit her in the face with a shovel

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(916): View more from California

I hate ducks.

(916): View more from California

What?

(916): View more from California

they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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(714): View more from California

Letd wlk him

(714): View more from California

Lrtd walek hime

(714): View more from California

Lets wlk home,,,ther we go

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(856): View more from New Jersey

a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

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(256): View more from Alabama

I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod

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(305): View more from Florida

Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:

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(248): View more from Michigan

I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its not stalking. its research.

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(407): View more from Florida

I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.

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(813): View more from Florida

Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.

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(512): View more from Texas

everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?

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(805): View more from California

omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now

(1-805): View more from California

he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls

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(330): View more from Ohio

i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

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(201): View more from New Jersey

they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.

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(917): View more from New York City

It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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(407): View more from Florida

my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much

(1-407): View more from Florida

It'll hurt less than being alone

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(404): View more from Georgia

look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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(631): View more from New York

you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?

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(027): View more from

I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

(339): View more from Massachusetts

Oh yeah that.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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(650): View more from California

We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

(562): View more from California

You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker

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(574): View more from Indiana

its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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(416): View more from Ontario

Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

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(916): View more from California

Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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(813): View more from Florida

Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.

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(305): View more from Florida

Party in the USA is so catchy!

(863): View more from Florida

Yea, so is AIDS.

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(309): View more from Illinois

My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Well how do you think I feel

(860): View more from Connecticut

fair enough

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent

(860): View more from Connecticut

fuckk wrong person

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

.. who was that for? a girlscout?

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(718): View more from New York

Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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(248): View more from Michigan

Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.

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