Texts From Last Night · TimmySC's Favorites

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TimmySC's Favorites Texts:

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(352): View more from Florida

The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"

Fav 6 4131 1088
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(214): View more from Texas

She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.

Fav 11 975 2107
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(361): View more from Texas

After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

Fav 14 5393 1677
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(317): View more from Indiana

You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

Fav 7 1871 954
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(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

Fav 48 26748 2048
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(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

Fav 58 27727 1894
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(513): View more from Ohio

You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

Fav 81 46061 2516
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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

Fav 362 61944 8176
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