My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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