why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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