all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
