i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
