if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
