$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
