She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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