I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
