ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
