i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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