I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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