Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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