He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
